Pulse List brings you some of the major reasons that marriages break up especially in Nigeria.
Under normal circumstances, no couple goes into a marriage with the intention of divorcing some years later.
But some situations make most marriages unbearable warranting a separation. It could be because of some unresolved issues or irreconcilable differences but be that as it may, there is no divorce without a reason.
1. Infidelity
Infidelity or better put, adultery has been the top reason marriages break up. No married couple likes the idea that his or her partner is sleeping with another person.
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Infidelity leads to a lot of emotion like anger, betrayal, hurt, and pain and for most people, could even lead to death.
The knowledge that one’s wife or husband has a concubine outside the marriage can be devastating.
2. Domestic Violence
This is another top reason for divorce, especially where the partners turn themselves into punching bags.
In this situation, the abuser does not respect his or her partner and could lead to serious trouble in the home. And in this era of feminism and equality, most women cannot take such lying low and for her to be alive to look after her children, it is better for her to walk away.
3. Selfishness
A partner who is selfish and always put his or her interest above the other is courting trouble as the deprived partner may start to feel unwanted and unloved.
When there are too many needs that are neglected, the unloved spouse will end up feeling ignored and used and this brings on a destructive form of manipulation, control and jealousy.
4. Disrespect
A marriage that stands the test of time is often built on respect, acceptance, admiration, appreciation and emotional safety.
A couple who wants to stay long and happy in their marriage needs to have a mutual respect because disrespect brings about anger and frustration which can escalate to impatience, labeling, criticism, and hurt.
A spouse who keeps ridiculing his or her partner is surely looking for trouble because that is a recipe for disaster.
5. Dishonesty
A good marriage is also based on trust and respect for one another but where lies and deceit is the other of the day, the trust is thrown out of the window.
Marriage is a partnership between two people who love each other and the two have to work together to ensure that there is trust and total honesty.
6. Communication
For a marriage to stand the test of time, there must be proper and adequate communication between the couple as this will bring about a bonding that cannot be broken.
But when there exist too much of blame, conflict, and verbal attacks, one starts to feel though he or she is living with an enemy instead of a best friend.
7. Leading separate lives
No marriage can survive where the couple has separate lives and goals instead of having a well-defined line that leads them to one goal.
When couples don’t spend enough time together, the relationship will ultimately suffer and there is likely to be an emotional connection.
8. Lack of intimacy
Many couples, especially after living together for some years, tend to believe they have had all the sexual intimacy they would ever want and there is no need to get intimate regularly.
But that is a very wrong assumption as sex is one of the key pillars that keep a marriage together.
A sexually starved husband or wife would ultimately want to get some satisfaction outside, especially where the partner is denying them of their rights.
However, intimacy is much more than sex because spending quality time with a spouse is another way of them getting connected in all its ramification.
9. Pride and ego
Where a couple allows pride and ego to form part of his or her daily life, there is sure to be trouble looming on the horizon.
Some couple close their eyes to their faults and do not want to admit they are the problem in any setting.
Where a wife earns more than the husband in most cases, pride is likely to set in as she would want to equate herself to her husband as well standing up to him instead of being humble and seeing him as the head of the family.
Some men too always wear the tag of being the boss and fail to appreciate the wife whenever she does something and in such a situation, the poor woman could feel dejected and alienated from her husband, leading to a crisis in the home.
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10. Allowing third parties in the affairs
Some couple make the mistake of always inviting third parties into their homes whenever they have problems instead of sitting down together and resolving them
Most of them are so used to telling people their problems not knowing that the more they let others into their affairs, they end up opening their defenses to outsiders who would be quick to pass judgment on them.
Parents, pastors, friends, in-laws and even neighbours are often invited to solve common issues the couple could have solved by themselves and this interference further, deepens the crisis instead of solving it.
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