On my last visit to Benin Republic, I was opportune to have a girls red-tape, it was a private gathering that involved just girls talking about real things, undiluted and straight from their heart with their fellow girls who they knew would understand, free from judgement and bias.One tale stuck to my heart as it was amazing how strong she was after everything she had to go through. (Names have been changed).
My name is Mary and I am from Eastern Nigeria. My journey to where I am right now, has been like a movie to me. Although I look back now and I am grateful for all I have and all I have accomplished because I had never ever imagined, I would rise above the shame and humiliation I had been put through all in the name of love.
I began dating this Delta guy after my trial and error with securing an admission with a tertiary institution. I was jobless, wallowing about and broke so it was a very convenient relationship as my boyfriend was a star. He was an artiste and popular so having girls flock to him was very normal.
I accepted it in good faith because when we started he used to take me to every of his shows. I was practically his PA, traveling with him across the country, whenever and wherever he had to perform.
Maybe that’s why I fell in love with him. I believe it’s every girl’s dream to have the kind of love I had. The always stealing a kiss even when your friends are around, always going everywhere together, even the loo, always waiting for the other person to show up before you place your order at the fast food or lounge, always doing everything together.
Our friends used to admire us, the guys even encouraged their girlfriends to be like me and learn how to make a man love them like mine loved me. If only it took love to keep a man, I wouldn’t have lost mine.
I don’t know when he changed. I think I was so engrossed in the ‘true love’ blues I never for once asked myself if I was sure he was my true love. I just opened up my heart to love and the pain that ensued.
After dating for almost a year I had to travel to seek for my third admission. My friends told me of the North American Uni, Houdegbe, so I packed my bags, got into a cab and took the journey to my future. My boyfriend and I had already talked about everything so we could still stay together even while I was outside the country. I was expected to be out for at least three weeks, until three weeks turned to two months, then the fights started.
One day I called him at past 11pm and another girl picked up, I was shocked cos it had never happened before, so I politely told her I wanted to talk to Ken, she asked me to hold on, I could hear her calling for him and telling him he had a call from an international number and he started shouting at her, asking her why she had picked his call, his voice got louder, I think he had taken the phone from her and realizing it was me, he screamed some more then cut the call and switched off his phone. I tried calling a few more times and it was still switched off so I slept off.
I am not saying I’m perfect but truly, I never even had the eye for another man when my heart belonged to Ken. All the while in Benin, I stayed faithful to just him, even when my friends mocked me.
First thing I did when I woke up was to reach for my phone to see if he had called at least, but it was a no-show so I tried to call him again, this time it rang and he did pick up. He didn’t even allow me to ask about the previous night, he started explaining himself, telling me the phone went off cos he threw it at the girl, who was one of his performers at a show he was at when I called that night.
The story seemed very reasonable, I had been on tour with him so I know how his dancers and friends had access to his things. When he said ‘May, I love you babe’ (He’s the only one that calls me that), every doubt, fear, anger, went out the window. I forgot about it and we moved on. We talked all week and it seemed like everything had gone back to normal.
I had a two-month break from school so I decided to surprise my boyfriend so I didn’t tell him I was coming back. I got back to Lagos, got to my parents house, freshened up and went to his place.
He wasn’t home, so I called him and he picked, he seemed shockingly happy to hear from me, told me he had to quickly leave for Ibadan that day and wouldn’t be back for the next three days, I was disappointed but happy.
When I asked for the key to is place, he told me he wasn’t expecting me so he had left with it. We said our ‘I love yous’ and hung up.
That night, my friends asked me to go clubbing with them at 2face’s club in Festac and I refused. I wasn’t interested in partying, I was really missing my boyfriend. My girlfriend practically forced me to just come along so I could have some fun and cheer up since I had been out of Lagos for a while. I obliged her.
The club was turnt up and I enjoyed every bit of it. I had so much fun that when they decided to take the party to the Island at past 2am, I wasn’t fazed.
The club was turnt up and I enjoyed every bit of it. I had so much fun that when they decided to take the party to the Island at past 2am, I wasn’t fazed.
My girlfriend who was heading the show told me to drive with one of their mutual friends who had been attracted to me all night. We were 4 girls and 4 guys, each driving. So we paired. And drove to the Island on convo at midnight.
It was so much fun. The guy, Dele, was interesting and very intelligent so we had a lot to talk about. We got to the Island in one piece.
When we got to club Quilox, Dele parked his car, stepped out, walked to my side and opened the door for me to alight. Talk about chivalry.
It was so much fun. The guy, Dele, was interesting and very intelligent so we had a lot to talk about. We got to the Island in one piece.
When we got to club Quilox, Dele parked his car, stepped out, walked to my side and opened the door for me to alight. Talk about chivalry.
With my head still spinning from Dele’s gentlemanly manner, I heard a laughter I could hear from my grave. It was Ken. I turned on my spot and I saw him in all his handsomeness, holding and kissing some chick. And it wasn’t the ‘fling-kiss’.
It was the real deal and I knew it was cos he used to kiss me that way too…
I didn’t know when or how I appeared at his side, all I knew was I was there before him, in flesh and blood. And he felt like he had seen a ghost. He couldn’t even say anything, he tried sipping his arms off the chicks shoulder but the babe held unto it.
My friends had asked me on several occasions that per chance ‘you meet your man with another woman in a compromising position, what would be your reaction’. I always replied it could never happen to me, but here I was and it was happening.
Finally Ken broke the silence, he didn’t even call me May like he always did, he called me Mary. He said ‘Mary, how did you get here, why are you here, who did you come with’, all the questions tumbled out of his mouth. I didn’t know if I should answer or if I should ask mine, so I chose to ask mine.
I confronted him on why he had told me that day he wasn’t around and was in Ibadan when it was obvious he had been in Lagos. He tried to cover up by saying he just got back and had a business meeting with some dudes who decided to end it up with clubbing. All the while, the girl didn’t leave his side and neither did she drop his arm.
After an awkward moment of silence I had to ask him, ‘babe, who’s she’, and he answered ‘my girlfriend’. And asked her to go wait in the car. All the while, my friends had already gone into the club.
I felt the pain hit my heart. You’ve never been heartbroken until your man calls another woman his own right in front of you. I couldn’t believe what was happening.
I didn’t want to cry. I didn’t want to humiliate myself that way, lest in front of another chick, so I tried to talk to him calmly. Asking, probing, trying to make sense of everything.
He began explaining, talking about how lonely he was after I left and she had been by his side (I was gone for about 5 months and we had dated for almost a year before then) when he needed me. He said he was sorry and didn’t intend to hurt me. I was so mad I slapped him straight across the face cos immediately I knew she was the chick that picked the call that night and he had blatantly lied to me and played me for a fool.
The saying ‘hell hath no fury like a woman scorned’ is so true cos I don’t even know where the energy to lash at him came from. I was everywhere in his face, scratching, hitting and screaming. I was mad. The chick and my friends inside the club were drawn to the drama.
He wasn’t doing anything besides fight me off but the moment he noticed the girl had gotten closer, he hit me hard across the face.
Like that wasn’t enough, he hit me again and again and again until by-standers had to intervene. I had blood dripping through my broken lips, face red form his fist on my face and my eyes burning with tears.
But nothing hurt like the pain in my heart. The pain, rejection, humiliation, shame, and misery in my heart was the worst of all.
This experience broke my heart cos Ken was the love of my life and I had thought of spending the rest of my life with him. It took me a long while to trust any man again.
This experience broke my heart cos Ken was the love of my life and I had thought of spending the rest of my life with him. It took me a long while to trust any man again.
My friends were my support system and they helped me get through. I went back to school, faced my studies and graduated.
Presently I’m not married but I get to travel the world, thanks to an amazing man who has shown me that whatever is really worth having, is worth waiting for. My baby’s name is Dele and he is as exceptional today as I had met him that night at the club four years ago.
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